There are now no Republicans in the House of Representatives further northeast of West Virginia.
Abraham Lincoln’s Republican party’s destruction has come full circle. The opposing party has ironically claimed much of the initial Republican platform.
Fox News now officially represents an ever-shrinking anachronistic minority.
More than 10% of the United States have decriminalized marijuana.
South Park declares the entire election a conspiracy to steal the Hope Diamond.
There have not been young children residents in the White House for over 40 years (and probably no puppies). There have never been children residents of visible African descent.
We did it. We might have a second chance at being the future again. Actual (positive) history managed to happen right before our eyes. With el negro presidente, we actually qualify to be the United States depicted in comic books and science fiction. This is our legacy.
There’s much too much for mostly everyone to absorb. What a crazy year and then some. Tonight a crowd in Chicago amassed that was larger than the previous largest Chicago crowd I’ve ever witnessed. That previous crowd protested a wrongful war. Tonight’s crowd celebrated that very same war’s inevitable end, as the tip of an iceberg of progress.
New generations will never understand things we barely understood. They will be bewildered at our dark age of civil wrongs. The era will retire in history books, and be rarely read by future generations. Eventually, we will have completely moved on, and transformed once again into an ever more close-to-perfect union. We the people can continue our history of being the greatest experiment in rebellion the world has ever witnessed, with true freedom and equality as our standards of modern manifest destiny.
Or, if you believe the complete dipshits on television, the size of the government will double in the next six months, immediately after the minimum wage doubles. The politics of horseshit is dying. It has lost an information war of attrition. Modern young people see through old tricks, and armed with a level of apathy-turned-cynicism that could only be brought about by our last decade, they have no interest in a governing construct that serves nothing but itself. People understand that the government is theirs, and that they pay for it. They realize now that a political campaign can be honorable. We know the high road is virtuous.
As with every major political shift, there will be cultural changes. Rigid, stubborn ideas of old will fade and become even more obsolete than they were in the fucking 1990s. New waves of popular culture will happen as a result of today’s historic event. The internet will transmogrify old media by smashing it through the spaghetti factory. With a government that understands and embraces newer technology, we are on the verge of things we literally cannot imagine because they have never been experienced. This is our history, and this is our future.
We are overlooking a very bright horizon. It is blinding in one sense, and yet in another blindingly inspiring. All of the talk over the years of being unable to beat a broken system and being unable to overcome tightly held power is at an apparent impasse. We have shown ourselves and the world that we understand the condition our condition is in, and we’re ready to act upon it.
Imagine 60,000,000 Americans with elephant guns. Bill Hicks be avenged.
You can decide something this November. You will decide something this November. You will determine in a voting booth something that is more important than I could express in common internet folk-speak. This is a very crucial moment.
Rarely do Americans really get a chance to make a difference. Rarely do we have a time in history when Rome is so on fire that even the firemen can’t go in to save it because they don’t have health insurance. You can help save a fireman and change the world. This year you have a voice, and an important choice.
Previously, people didn’t listen to me. Look what has happened. Our financial markets are in ruin while a profiteer’s war rages on. Millions go without the basic tenets intended to make life in the United States fair and balanced. This is serious. It is up to you to save the world, country, and more. Don’t let me down again. We can do it together.
This November, if Barack Obama is elected to be president, I will redesign this website.
Seriously. Save that fireman.
(It should be noted that the last presidential election killed this website.)
And this is where people of sound mind who understand the importance of raw, unrelenting, offensively sexist data and move on to the next chapter in what will be the greatest thing on television in 2008:
If you’ve always not cared about politics, this is the time to be reminded why about half the time and completely confused at what you’re hearing the other half. If you’ve been cynical about politics the past ten years or just have some suspicious fondness for Reagan you can’t explain, this is time to watch the best reality tv since the 80s.
If you’re a fan of information, history, debate, civics, economics, war, skepticism, technology, nuclear power, or generational culture pattern shifting, you might be less disappointed than you’d expect this year.
This election is about serious issues. Seriously, it’s so fucking serious that I am letting myself put videos of two different sizes here at the same time. This is atrociously serious.
It’s time to get serious.
Oh, and we can’t forget Bill Clinton’s endorsement of Barack Obama:
Attention internet: I understand that twitter is funny one-liner land, or whatever you think because that’s my probably final and determined determination of its purpose. One-liners and links and gratuitous Obama oversupportion. That’s the twitter answer.
But here’s the thing. There’s this site called youtube where I look at a lot of videos, some of which people put on the internet. They stream; it’s fucking crazy. Anyways, I talk back to these people because the internet is the land of backtalk and the sharplie-tongue’d quipz.
Next: youtube recently changed their thing to let you put your most recent comments on your channel page. IN ADDITION, there is now a page where you can view your comments.
You should turn this feature on if you use youtube, and then throw me a link so I can do chu’kles t’our quips. That’s laughing at our smart response to stupid reality.
Bonus video because I can’t talk about youtube without offering a video that explicitly solicits unsolicited solicitations of critical materials (that’s you commenting about wha’ happen’d).
The ass-end of this speech makes up for not being able to keep up for a few days.
These points are all solid and the idea of real hope in a cynical nightmare government is refreshing unhorrible. What is anyone doing right now but talking anyway? It’s goddamn talking season; we have to hear about these things.
Incidentally, he stole a huge part of this speech from a friend that steals large parts of his speeches. Oh nos plagerism!
Tomorrow could be one of the biggest days in what will be our generation’s history. I talk about it too much already, so I promised I would keep this one brief (I lied). Also please don’t assume I’m jumping on some sort of endorsement bandwagon here, as I totally don’t care about endorsements outside of entertainment and I think it’s important for everyone to talk about this crap with everyone.
It is important that everyone makes time and goes to their polling place and sticks four fingers into the system that has been fucking up their lives for the past few years. The only way to beat this system is to use it; this is a basic fact of American civics.
I want to also note that it is particularly important for anyone under 25 to get the hell off of their lazy asses and just go to their polling places tomorrow and vote. Look up where it is, stop whining about it, and go do it. If you are an older person that cares about the horrors of government and interact with the 18-25s regularly, inspire them. Make it happen.
As for me, I will be representing my home state and the man whose birthday I stole next week (who understood the concept of inspiration as catalyst) by voting for the guy that announced his candidacy in the same place as some of the most eloquently backhanded speeches ever have been delivered.
I have been talking about this quite a lot over there on the twitter, but it’s not about buzzword bingo or hot shit trends or bandwagon bumblefuck. This is about reform that will relieve the poor of the rich’s burden (without empty leftist rhetoric promises). It is about technology not scaring off the elderly Washington geriatrics. It is about SERIOUSLY TECHNOLOGY IT’S THE FUTURE. It is about taking our country back from companies and stockholders by using it against itself. It is about diversity and proving to Negative Nancies™ that our country really has come this far.
I am a skeptic leaning far into the realm of cynicism. That cynicism is a result of the past seven years, and I don’t consider it permanent. I looked into this guy and the whole behind the scenes mess, and I said fuck libertarianism for a couple years if this will actually improve life. I genuinely think it will, and that is after excessive cynical review. I am much more surprised than I am proud to report that the state of Georgia agrees.
It is time to move on and up. This rutwalking can finally end with thinking positive, and I say that with the most respectably desperate tone possible. I already voted for this guy in Illinois, watched what he did after that, and now I’m going to vote for him again. Thank you for listening.
Ok, I know the name is weird and stupid, but this is a grassroots political support campaign on crystal meth. A site that strictly entertains videos of the Obama supporting persuasion, with no other rules. A truly democratic (hackable!) voting structure pushes popular shit to the top. The introduction:
It may seem obvious that years of experience in national politics would be the best preparation for the White House, but it’s not the case.
Look at two presidents who had the most political experience when they took office: Lyndon B. Johnson and Richard Nixon. They had great experience, but they weren’t the greatest presidents. On the other hand, look at two presidents who had the least amount of experience: Abraham Lincoln and Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Now, decide if you want to vote just for experience or for the better candidate.
Weird defense to the experience thing, but an interesting statement of support. The consists of videos of all walks of Obama-supporting life. It combines YouTube with a sort of digg-like voting structure to support the candidate said to be most tech-savvy (he’s not scared of technology?! what!?).
Here’s hoping internet people understand that it’s up to them to get outside and make the magic spread from internet to their jobs and schools and prisons and churches and bars and all that. Talk about this shit in public; it is a public affair.
