• The White House was built in part by slaves.
• The state that hosted the capitol of the Confederate States of America voted for a black man with a moving margin.
• There are now no Republicans in the House of Representatives further northeast of West Virginia.
• Abraham Lincoln’s Republican party’s destruction has come full circle. The opposing party has ironically claimed much of the initial Republican platform.
• Fox News now officially represents an ever-shrinking anachronistic minority.
• More than 10% of the United States have decriminalized marijuana.
• South Park declares the entire election a conspiracy to steal the Hope Diamond.
• There have not been young children residents in the White House for over 40 years (and probably no puppies). There have never been children residents of visible African descent.
• The world approved of a major American decision.
• A black man will be king of the world, and yet all the white wimmin are not in danger.

Now to just stop this embarrassingly horrifying gay rights repealing across the board and we are on the right track to the right track.

There’s much too much for mostly everyone to absorb. What a crazy year and then some. Tonight a crowd in Chicago amassed that was larger than the previous largest Chicago crowd I’ve ever witnessed. That previous crowd protested a wrongful war. Tonight’s crowd celebrated that very same war’s inevitable end, as the tip of an iceberg of progress.

New generations will never understand things we barely understood. They will be bewildered at our dark age of civil wrongs. The era will retire in history books, and be rarely read by future generations. Eventually, we will have completely moved on, and transformed once again into an ever more close-to-perfect union. We the people can continue our history of being the greatest experiment in rebellion the world has ever witnessed, with true freedom and equality as our standards of modern manifest destiny.

Or, if you believe the complete dipshits on television, the size of the government will double in the next six months, immediately after the minimum wage doubles. The politics of horseshit is dying. It has lost an information war of attrition. Modern young people see through old tricks, and armed with a level of apathy-turned-cynicism that could only be brought about by our last decade, they have no interest in a governing construct that serves nothing but itself. People understand that the government is theirs, and that they pay for it. They realize now that a political campaign can be honorable. We know the high road is virtuous.

As with every major political shift, there will be cultural changes. Rigid, stubborn ideas of old will fade and become even more obsolete than they were in the fucking 1990s. New waves of popular culture will happen as a result of today’s historic event. The internet will transmogrify old media by smashing it through the spaghetti factory. With a government that understands and embraces newer technology, we are on the verge of things we literally cannot imagine because they have never been experienced. This is our history, and this is our future.

We are overlooking a very bright horizon. It is blinding in one sense, and yet in another blindingly inspiring. All of the talk over the years of being unable to beat a broken system and being unable to overcome tightly held power is at an apparent impasse. We have shown ourselves and the world that we understand the condition our condition is in, and we’re ready to act upon it.

Imagine 60,000,000 Americans with elephant guns. Bill Hicks be avenged.

Yes we can. Yes, we did.

I had my ballot double-checked by a clean, sober me. It was right!

Rarely do Americans really get a chance to make a difference. Rarely do we have a time in history when Rome is so on fire that even the firemen can’t go in to save it because they don’t have health insurance. You can help save a fireman and change the world. This year you have a voice, and an important choice.

Previously, people didn’t listen to me. Look what has happened. Our financial markets are in ruin while a profiteer’s war rages on. Millions go without the basic tenets intended to make life in the United States fair and balanced. This is serious. It is up to you to save the world, country, and more. Don’t let me down again. We can do it together.

This November, if Barack Obama is elected to be president, I will redesign this website.

Seriously. Save that fireman.

(It should be noted that the last presidential election killed this website.)

It’s time to get serious.

Oh, and we can’t forget Bill Clinton’s endorsement of Barack Obama:

Liberals believe in clean air, diplomacy, stem cells, living wages, body armor for our troops, government accountability, and that exercising the right to dissent is the highest form of patriotism.

Liberals believe in reading actual books, going to war as a last resort, separating church and hate, and doing what Jesus would actually do, instead of lobbying for upper-class tax cuts and fantasizing about the apocalypse.

Liberals believe in civil rights, the right to privacy, and that evolution and global warming aren’t just theories but incontrovertible scientific facts.

Liberals believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment that (1) prohibits another Bush from ever occupying the White House, and (2) prevents George W. Bush from ever becoming baseball commissioner before he does to our national pastime what he did for America.

Liberals believe in rescuing people from flooded streets and rooftops, even if they’re too poor to vote Republican.

Liberals believe that supporting our troops means treating our wounded vets like the heroes they are, and not leaving them to languish in rat-infested military hospitals under the outsourced management of incompetent cronies who think they’re running a Taco Bell franchise.

Liberals believe in pheromones, sex ed, solar panels, voting paper trails, the common good, and that, no matter how fascinating a story it may be, a president should never sit around in a state of total paralysis reading “My Pet Goat” while America is under attack.

And above all, liberals believe that it’s time to come together as a country and put a collective boot in the ass of shameless conservative fearmongers, hate merchants, and scapegoaters who are sucking the freedom out of all our souls.

I felt that was a nice reminder as to why we’re involved so much right now. You are still licensed by law to be enraged at the state of your country. Just as I am licensed by virtue to be enraged at the state of American health care and samaritanism. Like I’ve been saying for a while, this year’s fight is a complete downhill battle. Let’s just be sure to do our fair share and win it, and win it clean to rub it in. Then maybe we can pawn off this cynicism for some idealism and maybe progress.

Most important is that we always keep Fox News on the air to prove our dedication to reason and the First Amendment, in reverse order. Also for comedy.

Ok. we now return to the anti-Hillary stuff.

p.s. lols@mccain sexstravaganza.

These points are all solid and the idea of real hope in a cynical nightmare government is refreshing unhorrible. What is anyone doing right now but talking anyway? It’s goddamn talking season; we have to hear about these things.

Incidentally, he stole a huge part of this speech from a friend that steals large parts of his speeches. Oh nos plagerism!

Tomorrow could be one of the biggest days in what will be our generation’s history. I talk about it too much already, so I promised I would keep this one brief (I lied). Also please don’t assume I’m jumping on some sort of endorsement bandwagon here, as I totally don’t care about endorsements outside of entertainment and I think it’s important for everyone to talk about this crap with everyone.

It is important that everyone makes time and goes to their polling place and sticks four fingers into the system that has been fucking up their lives for the past few years. The only way to beat this system is to use it; this is a basic fact of American civics.

I want to also note that it is particularly important for anyone under 25 to get the hell off of their lazy asses and just go to their polling places tomorrow and vote. Look up where it is, stop whining about it, and go do it. If you are an older person that cares about the horrors of government and interact with the 18-25s regularly, inspire them. Make it happen.

As for me, I will be representing my home state and the man whose birthday I stole next week (who understood the concept of inspiration as catalyst) by voting for the guy that announced his candidacy in the same place as some of the most eloquently backhanded speeches ever have been delivered.

I have been talking about this quite a lot over there on the twitter, but it’s not about buzzword bingo or hot shit trends or bandwagon bumblefuck. This is about reform that will relieve the poor of the rich’s burden (without empty leftist rhetoric promises). It is about technology not scaring off the elderly Washington geriatrics. It is about SERIOUSLY TECHNOLOGY IT’S THE FUTURE. It is about taking our country back from companies and stockholders by using it against itself. It is about diversity and proving to Negative Nancies™ that our country really has come this far.

I am a skeptic leaning far into the realm of cynicism. That cynicism is a result of the past seven years, and I don’t consider it permanent. I looked into this guy and the whole behind the scenes mess, and I said fuck libertarianism for a couple years if this will actually improve life. I genuinely think it will, and that is after excessive cynical review. I am much more surprised than I am proud to report that the state of Georgia agrees.

It is time to move on and up. This rutwalking can finally end with thinking positive, and I say that with the most respectably desperate tone possible. I already voted for this guy in Illinois, watched what he did after that, and now I’m going to vote for him again. Thank you for listening.

Supplemental: Here is a very detailed, objective assessment of Obama that I admire.

It may seem obvious that years of experience in national politics would be the best preparation for the White House, but it’s not the case.

Look at two presidents who had the most political experience when they took office: Lyndon B. Johnson and Richard Nixon. They had great experience, but they weren’t the greatest presidents. On the other hand, look at two presidents who had the least amount of experience: Abraham Lincoln and Franklin D. Roosevelt.

Now, decide if you want to vote just for experience or for the better candidate.

Weird defense to the experience thing, but an interesting statement of support. The consists of videos of all walks of Obama-supporting life. It combines YouTube with a sort of digg-like voting structure to support the candidate said to be most tech-savvy (he’s not scared of technology?! what!?).

Here’s hoping internet people understand that it’s up to them to get outside and make the magic spread from internet to their jobs and schools and prisons and churches and bars and all that. Talk about this shit in public; it is a public affair.

I feel that he is more a statesman than a politician.

Designer endorsements…that is classy shit!

(obligatory rhetorical hypothetical: has Black President Fever taken off yet? tidal wave)

You see, the idea is that he can bring people (as in parties, as in stubborn-assed Republicans) together to actually do something and change the bullshit corporate politics that has ruined the planet, as opposed to effectively tossing a faux-communist hyper-partisan leap year our way. Obama is talking about this crazy thing we had in this country back in the day…I think it was called compromise?

Free bonus link!

xkcd too!

Also Ted Kennedy!

Barack may be inspiring, and we may like his ideas, but he hasn’t been in Washington long enough. He hasn’t been stewed and seasoned long enough. We haven’t boiled all the hope out of him.

There’s a lot of connections being made here. It’s seeming less like impractical idealism and more like urgent reality by the day.

We’re not electing our pastors, priests, preachers, reverends, rabbis, shamans, mysticismists, or teachers here. We’re electing someone to manage a large part of the that godless heathen called the government. It cannot be tainted by one nor all religions.

Obama says yes.

This election is great. The internets has turned it into a goddamned jungle gym of interesting things where previously only stood boring cardboard cutouts made of recycled newspaper from the 1950s. They report shit like sports on tv, and there’s hell of pornographic levels of numbers for statistics fags like me that love to plow into a watershed of bubbly phantom bits of information.

p.s. Clinton read her speech.

Driving from Illinois to Georgia, we saw someone with a Ron Paul bumper sticker somewhere in Tennessee. I didn’t think those existed in real life irlstyles meatspace.

Today the only other place on the street that was open was that huge coffee chain. Dude that is always there was talking Ron Paul with a customer.

Could an internet subculture be much much huger than the mass media portrays it? Yes. Would this be one of those cases? That question is why this is interesting.

This election is comedy gold.

Side note: this site now uses Google Analytics to maximize profits and achieve goals.

I am amazed at his stickiness. He seems to attract the undercurrent need of prototypical-American freedom in people. He brings up fundamental American issues that effect everyone (and always have), has interesting and different things to say about the junk topics being portrayed as the platform, and can even handle serious modern issues. His statements are all theoretically solid. He interests people that aren’t interested in politics. The dude sounds like Thomas Jefferson.

I’m wondering what kind of insane explosion an internet movement can cause in a real live grassroots campaign.

It’s worth noting I still don’t consider anyone ready to receive votes. I could be convinced though.

Addendum: hahah caught this related thing right after I made this.

(previous ron paul note)

Repeatedly mentioning Ron Paul in everything on the internet is just going to make people react to Ron Paul in the same manner that they react to advertising. People will utter “ugh” and be reminded of the band The Eagles, and they will then proceed to dislike Ron Paul. It will backfire. Don’t overmention Ron Paul. You’re not even Republicans, and neither is he.

Please, internet. I implore you to hear my cries and stop mentioning Ron Paul like you’re some sort of motherfucking balls-deep, black-ops, brainwashing secret forces type of bullshit. You’re not brainwashing anyone or convincing them to vote for Ron Paul. You’re just being repetitive and annoying, and it will effect Ron Paul negatively. You are not tricking anyone.

Sadly, I offer no links to back up these statements about Ron Paul. Like it or not, he’s a serious motherfucker with crazy new old ideas.

Election ‘08 status: Still writing myself in.

Kittenwar is a website where kittens fight to the death. Seriously. You can contribute to the slaughter right now. Vote on it. It’s appalling.

These cats are dying and people are just sitting there, ignoring it.