fiction is lying.

This election is about serious issues. Seriously, it’s so fucking serious that I am letting myself put videos of two different sizes here at the same time. This is atrociously serious.

It’s time to get serious.

Oh, and we can’t forget Bill Clinton’s endorsement of Barack Obama:

ABC decided it was an American political emergency to have a seriously straight-faced debate between Ron Jeremy and other people about pornography. It’s great, but good luck getting the goddamn video to work. Concerning the video player embedded on the ABCNews site which featured these Frontline episode videos, I was quoted in the New York Times as saying:

“This ABC news embedded video player is the worst thing technology has ever produced. It just plain doesn’t work. At all. With any browser.” Holy fuck what a piece of shit.

I hate this thing, and I can’t believe that it’s the year 2008 and we are seriously in a desert war and there exist streaming video players on major media outlets owned by ABC that do not work with even the lowest brow of world wide web browser such as Internet Explorer, which most consider the retard idiot’s baby cousin of browsers.

But god damn is it hilarious to watch a guy that went from a pornography production addiction to god. Porn groupies disguised as neo-religicons. It’s genius.

I am not even going to bother trying to embed it, so here’s a fancy old-fashioned link because no one reads this anyway.

It’s seriously pretty good. I love watching new-generation Christians squirm. They’re so soft! It’s always great to see the germination of an era of lazy psychology and insane religion combined. Ron Jeremy basically skull fucks their arguments.

Then the audience bends them over in barely-legal rough college co-ed tradition.

If you haven’t heard about Benn Jordan, The Flashbulb, or how itunes stole and sold his music, here’s that interesting story (which is yet another reason not to patronize Apple or itunes). Long story short: dude gets his music stolen, so he and his label give it away and win from donations; internet works. As far as I know, he is the first artist to work with a private bittorrent site to distribute his music freely.

I’d like to formally recommend the album to anyone interested in film soundtracks or ambient type things in general. “Soundtrack to a Vacant Life” is described basically as it is titled, and while normally a much more aphexy musician, on this album he has toned and tuned everything to the pace of his life. This is a mostly relaxing trip through what I see as a truly grandiose statement of electronic music. This is a project I would do.

This story is a couple weeks old, but I finally finished getting to the album and I really wanted to mention it. This is part of us moving on. Check it out online.

SERIOUS PROBLEM, Atlanta area child has melted eye from internet video unusable stupidity.

twitter: “CNN’s eye-melting white video site with the wrong-aspect video is fucking horrible.”

White background melts eyes. Also the aspect ratio of the video is incorrect (is stretching fullscreen video in a widescreen player). Please change background to gray or other darker neutral color, replace player with standard “fullscreen” player, and promptly ship replacement eyes. Thank you.

Help. Leave a comment card today. I lost the link for you to do that. Our apologies.

Every time I update Wordpress they make a new goddamned version.

I guess I’ll mirror stuff I write on last.fm about songs here:

I’m intrigued by this phenomenon of a metal band here and there that are brutal as shit, yet end up being from some odd place (France? metal?) and have lyrics and themes out of left field (the environment? whales?).

A good example of how these out-of-nowhere combinations work very well is Gojira. It’s French technical death metal about environmental subjects. Flying Whales sounds like an Earth Day festival being torn down by whales with chainguns. You’d never think this stuff would be so epic, until you consider the big picture.

I am talking about the band Gojira and song Flying Whales. I’d let you hear it right now if Mog hadn’t got nerfed to uselessness by being bought by Rhapsody. You could say they got owned for being so shitty. The one use of the site is now ruin’d.

Oh, and I don’t feel like crawling all over the place looking for a flash mp3 player or something right this second. It’s always GIVE IT NOW with you people.

Also I’ve been working too much so I got no patience and that’s why I’m not entertaining you.

Click this here small version (stupid wordpress hates big pictures) of this here moment of clarity I stole from earlier:

Sometimes things just seem clear for a second. Dark sometimes, but clear.

Tonight, many people in Georgia snow the biggest snow they have ever seen. Some saw it for the first time, and some were merely amused by how ridiculously retarded everyone gets when something falls from the sky.

Seriously. The roads become much like a pinball machine. Everyone talks about how they next day is already a snow day even though an inch hasn’t stuck and it’s going to stop soon. They talk about being trapped at work and having to sleep there.

It’s hilarious. Oh and certainly a bit more in a few hours than we’ve gotten the past two years.

Of course it was shitty frozen rain by the time I left, but that doesn’t matter.

I examined a pamphlet book type thing that fell on my head one day in this video.

This is part one of three. Stay tuned for the rest (the video feed on the right or do your youtube thing on it or whatever), which is a detailed discussion of your options when approaching the arena of electronic games in a manner that doesn’t piss off god.

IN FACT see you tomorrow here is part 2 and part 3 (it is arguably worth watching all three).

Well, it finally happened. I’ve been waiting for this since I became lazy and stupid enough to order pizza online seven or eight years ago:

What’s next? When will Pizza Hut have one live? When will Papa John’s go back to making the awesome pizza they made in what is soon becoming the distant past? When will the first advertisements outside of the normal advertisements come? When will it start having real-time to-the-minute predictions?

Which is more amazing: the fact that I know the pizza is being put into a box right this second, or the fact that I can talk about it online, with an image, and have forgotten about it by the time the pizza arrives?

50 Cent made a huge statement in an interview (in Norway, no less), saying file-sharing doesn’t hurt artists:

“…the advances in technology impacts everyone, and we all must adapt…This market consists of individuals embracing innovations faster than the fans of classical and jazz music.”

“What is important for the music industry to understand is that this really doesn’t hurt the artists.

Not sure what the jazz and classical thing is supposed to mean, but he was probably high.

The RIAA and friends say file-sharing is hurtful stealing that kills the blood cells of huge artists and gives them HIV. Why would you believe companies that steal from the very artists they pretend to protect? Everyone knows almost all music contracts are completely one-sided deals that artists hardly benefit from in comparison to the contractor. Fun fact:

50 Cent has engaged in numerous feuds with other rappers including Ja Rule, The Game, and Fat Joe.

THE DUDE IS SERIOUS BUSINESS. He deserves serious respect, even if he was blazed out of his brainhole during the interview; he utters truth. File sharing hurts profits, not artists.

This sketch from The State was the first time I had been made aware of the idea of pushing a nonsense argument beyond its own limit:

This method has come under frequent use the past couple of years under what has become the insane modern umbrella of serious comedy.

With some comedy we are just past the point of jokes, where a joke can even be past itself, and this is that case. The real emphasis lies in drawing attention to the argument despite its pointlessness. This is a serious matter. This is acting; there’s an art form in excessively pigheaded lying.

Seem familiar? If you work in a bureaucratic environment, this crap tends to happen in real life! Politics? Watch a modern debate and tell me those guys are pushing lies to the point of comedy. They use this beyond circular reasoning crap as a debate tactic. It’s post-ironic.